


Dropped my Burrito

by frootloup



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Burritos, Crack, I promise I can actually write, Louis is a burrito, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frootloup/pseuds/frootloup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry finds himself in some financial troubles and turns to an unlikely source about what he should do. He goes on a journey that takes him to an enchanted place where magical things happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dropped my Burrito

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone I sent this to so they can read it over for me. This idea came to me at 2 am one day after I had been up for over 24 hours. The most beautiful things can come out of those situations though, as you are about to find out.

Harry was never the luckiest guy on the block. He had no friends and the one relationship that he had ended because the guy couldn’t stand the socks that Harry liked to wear. Well, in Harry’s favor anyone who doesn’t like socks with little sharks on them can go fuck themselves. On top of that, Harry had just lost his job. He was a personal trainer for some millionaire’s dog. It was pretty nice, and Harry usually did what he was told but the one time he forgets to stretch poor Fifi’s tail and suddenly he’s out of a job.

Sadly not having a job means there’s no money and no money means no home. So that left Harry alone, without a job, and without a place to live. Harry was able to live without a job for a few weeks because he was a smart boy and always planned for something to happen but eventually his smarts ran out. Food cannot be bought and bills cannot be paid if a person doesn’t have money, and that is something that Harry doesn’t have.

The smart thing would have been to call his mother and maybe beg her to take him back in until he can get back on his feet again, but Harry is a different kind of smart and doesn’t think of things like that. He is more of an outside the box thinker, so what he felt he could do was some research about how to make money fast.

Since his bills could not be paid, he lost his home and without a home he could not do his research from anywhere, he had to go to an outside source. In his case he went to the wacky coffee shop around the corner from him called Baked Beans. He was pretty sure that the person who runs the shop, Conchobar, is high 82.7% of the time hence the name Baked Beans. Harry has always been a huge fan of puns, which is probably why he considers this little coffee shop to be the perfect place to go in his times of distress.

Harry walked up to the small shop expecting to see Rufus, the evil pet worm that’s usually kept in a tiny box by the cash register. However, the box appeared to be empty today. Harry casually strolled up to the barista. He believed his name was Edgar. Edgar seemed bored by the quiet scene of the shop, but besides Conchobar, he always seemed to know what was going on so he decided to ask him about Rufus’s whereabouts.

“Good morning Edgar, do you know what happened to Rufus?” Harry asked the man behind the counter.

Edgar turned around and responded with “I’m not quite sure how to answer that but just know that he’s a very busy boy today”

“Well Okay then, do you know where Conchobar is? I have some very important questions to ask him”

“Ah! Yes, that I can help you with. The good man is in the back probably making some more baked beans if you get what I’m saying”, Edgar paused waiting for Harry to catch on before turning around and walking through the little blue door that led to the back. He returned shortly with Conchobar.

“Harold! My man, what can I help you with?” Conchobar semi-yelled with the enthusiasm of a tiny child filled with candy at a birthday party. Harry was somewhat intimidated by his enthusiasm and wasn’t sure if he was ready to ask for the advice that he needed, but then he remembered that Conchobar was currently under the influence and would most likely not be affected by Harry’s request.

“Hello Conchobar, is there a way that we could talk somewhere a little more private? I need some advice about something and you’re the wisest man I know" Conchobar put a hand on his heart and sighed, clearly endeared by the compliment from the curly-haired bean sprout.

“Of course my darling, let’s go to my secret cave and we can get some talking done there” Conchobar led himself and Harry through the small blue door that he had previously come through and to a small table with lots of leafy greens scattered across it. “Tell me boy, what appears to be your problem” Conchobar says while taking a seat and pointing at the extra one for Harry to take.

“Well you see, Mr. Conch, I’ve come into some money troubles. You know I used to be the personal trainer for Fifi the dog, but I made a mistake one day and was fired on the spot. I thought I saved enough money to get by but I ran out and now I don’t have a home, or food, or anything. What you see is what I’ve got now and I just need to know what you think I should do” Harry explained. By the end of his story he was almost crying, Harry didn’t like showing that he had failed and everyone knows that this is only something that he would do as a last resort.

“I see, that is a big problem. A pretty boy like you would be killed out on the streets. I think I know just what you need. Listen close Harold, up on a tree in 1Derland, there lives a burrito who goes by the name of Louis. He is magic you see, if you are lucky enough to find him and bring him a gift that pleases him he will grant you three wishes. From what I’ve heard, he's awfully fond of carrots but you can’t bring him those because he only likes girls who bring him carrots. You do have an advantage though, he’s said that he would marry someone named Harry because it rhymes. So he will automatically love you since your name is Harry”

“Oh, he talks too?” Harry asked, as if talking was the most bizarre thing about Louis the magic burrito.

“No, he’s never spoken a word. We can just sense all of these things” Conchobar said with as much seriousness as a lawyer in court. A normal person would think that Conchobar is insane or at least under a heavier influence than they had been led to believe after being told the story of a magic burrito that sends vibes that literally speak to you. However, Harry knows better and he knows his good friend Conchobar always knows the truth about life and all of its secrets.

“How will I know if I’m granted the three wishes then?”

“You just know Harry, try making wishes and if they happen then you have been granted, but if nothing does happen, then Louis hates you and I’m sorry there’s no helping you, but you’re more than welcome to stay at baked beans with me for as long as you need”

“Thank you Concho, if this all works out I will make sure to come back and thank you for your wisdom” Harry shook Conchobar’s hand and left the tiny back room and made sure to wave goodbye to Edgar before he actually left the coffee shop.

Harry didn’t have much to take with him to 1Derland so packing wasn’t going to be an issue. What was going to be an issue was the fact that Harry didn’t know where this place was and he knew that an internet search wouldn’t come up with the results that he was looking for so he decided not to even bother. He also knew that if he went back into Baked Beans and asked Conchobar where to go he would only reply with something like you’ll just feel it.

So with that in mind, Harry checked to make sure his shoes wouldn’t get holes in the bottoms for the amount of walking he might have to do due to the lack of a car and he also checked to make sure his only pair of clothes were as clean as they could possibly be. He was meeting a magic burrito after all, this is something that only happens once in someone’s life.

Once he was sure everything was in order he began walking. He didn’t know where exactly he was going but deep down he knew he would find it eventually. He travelled for two hours walking straight before he knew he had to take a turn, he didn’t know why he knew that but there was something about the street sign that read “boobear” that felt right. It was probably the fact that most days you don’t see street names titled boobear, or who knows maybe Harry was just exhausted and hallucinating the entire thing.

Harry was right to take the turn on boobear lane because twenty minutes down that road he came across a forest. The trees were tall and the leaves were so green. There were so many trees and leaves that the ground below just looked like a black hole that if you walked into it you would find yourself walking into the butthole of a cat. Harry felt as scared as he did that time he watched horror movies all night when he was thirteen and his mom knocked on his door the next morning causing him to pee himself. Despite the fear Harry knew he had to power through, his life was essentially on the line.

As Harry was walking, he saw a bright spot up a head. Perhaps that was the 1Derland that Conchobar was referring to. The closer Harry got to the bright spot, he knew it was where he needed to be and sure enough when he reached the bit of light, there was a wooden staircase that led to the top of one of the trees. Harry was so relieved when he saw what was before him that he ran up the stairs not even caring that he fell halfway up and would have looked like a fool if actual people were around to see him but he was sure the woodland creatures would keep his secret.

When Harry reached the top of the stairs he saw what looked like a tree that was cut in half. Even though it was on top of another tree it looked pretty stable. On top of the tree half was a silver platter and laying on the platter was the burrito Harry assumed to be Louis. He walked up to the platter and began to introduce himself.

“Hello, My name is Harry Styles. I was told that you liked people named Harry because it rhymes with marry. You see, I have some troubles that I need your help with. My good friend Conchobar told me that you are the magic burrito that grants three wishes so I figured since you’re magic you can help” Harry felt pretty stupid talking to a burrito but he knew that Louis was listening.

“I don’t know if you’ve accepted my request for help but I guess I can just start making wishes now. Oh beefy goodness that is Louis the burrito I wish that I would always have enough money for everything in my pockets”, seconds later Harry’s pants were filled with the money. Harry became so excited that he didn’t even have time to celebrate before making his next wish.

“Wow! Thank you, next I wish to have enough food for the rest of my life” nothing appeared but the promise of food for the rest of his life was felt in his bones. With two wishes down it was time for Harry to make his final wish.

“Gracious Louis, I wish that you were a burrito that could talk so I can properly thank you for everything that you have given me and I could hear what your voice would sound like” shortly after Harry heard, “Yoo fooking loosah! You aren’t supposed to use all three wishes nobody ever does! Once that happens I-” and then Louis exploded into mini burritos and Harry himself was becoming smaller because now he was a burrito.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you actually made it to the end of this, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Kudos are always welcome, and if you want to come yell at me on tumblr for creating this mess you can find me at [frootloup](http://www.frootloup.tumblr.com)


End file.
